Siiiiiigh.

Today started out so nicely. I didn't have a physics lab this morning and as such was able to stay at home for a glorious extra three hours (and do math....). Then the only classes I had today were German and a chem lab and the chem lab had no pre-lab involved at all. Plus I got a Reece's Peanut Butter Cup blizzard before the aforementioned lab, so that was good too. And then I went and talked with Jill one of my good buddies from school and usually on Tuesdays we go over the bible study that we both lead for the next day. Tomorrow though we're going out sharing so there was nothing to go over, so we went through a little booklet called "Satisfied?" which is all about being able to experience the Holy Spirit more and therefore being able to have a better life in general.

So we were going through it and one sentence suddenly brought a bunch of images and thoughts to my mind and it was all very confusing because I wasn't able to express what I'd experienced in words at all. Basically the sentence that triggered it was this, "Surrender control of your life to Christ, and rely upon the Holy Spirit to fill you with His presence and power by faith, according to His command (Ephesians 5:18) and promise (1 John 5:14-15)." Now, this shouldn't have bothered me, because I do strive to give up control (obviously no one ever realllly acheives this, because we are only human and do enjoy the driver's seat...) but for some reason, when we read "surrender control" I was hit with the strangest ideas that if you were to do this, you would be nothing more than a marionette.

So Jill and I tried to decide if I thought of this because I myself don't want to relinquish control, or if it was a sort of spiritual attack. I imagine it was a bit of both, because I really don't feel that way. Granted I try to be in control some of the time, but even then, I have never thought that giving my life to God would make me a marionette with no say whatsoever. So spiritual attack or not, it served in moving me forwards a couple steps in my walk with God.

I love the feeling when you grow a little bit spiritually. The whole world seems to open up before you and you're filled with a sense of wide open space and peace. You feel elated. I was so happy I actually started crying a bit. Tears of joy do not come often. You should cherish them.

So off I went to my chem lab, smile beaming on my face the entire way, but as is the way with my life,good things don't stick around for very long. The chem lab started off fine enough, but then we got the marked written portions of our midterms back. Turns out I made a ridiculously stupid mistake (I drew out constitutional isomers rather than configurational isomers) which cost me a good deal of marks. Had I not had a slightly dyslexic moment, I would likely have gotten around 90% on the written rather than an astounding 65%. Overall I got 72% on my miterm, which is nice, even if it is only a B. But then, we got two chem lab write up's back. I got a C on both of them. Then on the way home, I picked up the mail and found a letter from the U of C. It was a letter telling me how much scholarship money they were going to give me (finally). I got 500$, which is nice, yes, but last year I got 3000$ from the U of C and had been expecting (and counting on) something similar.

All in all I'm in a bit of a bad mood (good thing I don't have homework that needs immediate attention...). If anyone's looking for me, I'll be sitting over in a corner with a bag of chocolate chips.