YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS I SURVIVED MY FRIST WEEK AT UNIVERSITY!!!!!!!!!! first step, survive first week. check. second step, conquer world. or at least calgary. hmmm... better put small area of hall that surrounds my locker.. yes. i think that will do. perhaps i shall get a pedestle. and perhaps a flag. a flag would be nice. perhaps polka... third step, retain sanity... personally i think it may be a little late for that one. at least i'm amusing. it's what i tell everyone. they only look at me sadly and shake their heads. some of them agree so i suppose that's a good thing.. or perhaps they are only agreeing so that i don't kill them. i frighten people for some reason. something about being travel sized i think.

I HAVE A NEVER ENDING CAN OF COKE!!!!!!!!!! the last two times that i've picked it up i have been sure that it was empty only to discover that it wasn't really at all empty. although i think perhaps it's only good for about 3 go's that everlasting whatnot. yup. it's empty now. ah well, it was good while it lasted.

reading caitlin's rants i have had an urge to be poetic. because her poems are always so lovely. and the ones that are sad or mean or angry are exactly that, but in a lovely way. and sometimes i can spout verse and prose with the best of them, although it never rhymes, i have trouble with rhyme (my cat sits on a mat beside my rat who also likes bats and... is fat?..), but there is no being poetic for me tonight i believe. i wouldn't know what to write about. i'm not terribly miserable or blissfully euphoric at the moment, nor am i burning with rage (or even sizzling for that matter) and poetry never seems to work as well when there's not a powerful emotion beneath it, fueling it, feeding it. perhaps i shall write about being neutral, although i imagine that would be a bit dull and no one would care for it much.

my lonliness floats over me like a dark cloud now see that's just a cliche. like a dark cloud. bleugh. we shall start again.

my lonliness is a troublesome forest, stretching dark and endless both before and after me there. that's a wee bit better wouldn't you say? alright, now for the next bit. somehow i've got to work fairylights in there somehow... hmmm... and just beyond my reach.

brambles and jagged thorns ensnare my voice leaving it a dead whisper in my throat
my eyes hold longingly to the passing fairylights just off the path, always out of reach i really have no idea where i'm going with this. hmmmm... at least it's only a poem where if you land yourself in a dead end and can't finish you're still able to leave feeling only a small sense of loss. novels however when left 30 pages in nag at you to lend the keyboard your fingers for an afternoon, the end of which brings only more frustration when all is said and done and you still have nothing more to show for your toils. anyway, back to the poem.

hmmm, i had something that i was going to add, but i have forgotten exactly what just now. bleaurg.

a dry tongue working over rotted teeth
i could no more call out to them than i could escape my forest that line's a little weak i think. perhaps it will be better when the whole thing is assembled.

they pass by, a glimmer in the night nonono.... that's also a bit of a cliche. hmm. a sparkle of hope? no. a... hmmm... isn't writer's block wonderful! a reflection of the desires in my heart. there we go. but we'll use of my heart instead.

they pass by, a reflection of the desires of my heart
briefly sparkling in the dusk before passing on hmm.. too much 'passing' done there. oh! i've got it.

sparkling briefly in the dusk before drifting on.... oh bollocks. in my excitement i forgot the word i was going to use.. drifting, gliding, floating, sliding.. hmmm.. i like sliding. it wasn't what i was originally going to use, but i like it. i wonder if when you're going to write something and forget what it was, you forget for a reason. because what you think of in it's absense is better than the original and if you hadn't forgotten you would never have thought of the new word. interesting concept.... ok. sliding it is.

briefly sparkling in the dusk before sliding on ahead of me where i cannot keep up and am lost forever from their sight

i shuffle along the uneaven ground
lacking courage to battle my thorns
lacking strenght to lift my head and find a thin spot
a yielding, penetrable soft spot too many spots!!! neurg. silly poetry. hmmm.

a yielding, penetrable weakness in my chain link of doubts now we're getting somewhere. YESS!!

desperately i wish to leave my self inflicted prison
to bask in the collective sunlight of those gathered fairylights and now i'm stuck again... i know basically how i want to end it. something about being fed by my own fear. how to get there however, i haven't a clue. hmm..

to find a piece of their bubbling gaiety for myself
but the thorns draw closer together
the brambles more tightly knit
afraid, i cast my eyes downwards again and let the forest feed off my fear HALLELUIA!!!! DONE! FINISHED! FINITO! KAPUT! FINI! and now to put the whole masterpiece together!

my lonliness is a troublesome forest, stretching dark and endless both before and after me
brambles and jagged thorns ensnare my voice leaving it a dead whisper in my throat
my eyes hold longingly to the passing fairylights just off the path, always out of reach
a dry tongue working over rotted teeth
i could no more call out to them than i could escape my forest
they pass by, a reflection of the desires of my heart
briefly sparkling in the dusk before sliding on ahead of me where i cannot keep up and am lost forever from their sight
i shuffle along the uneaven ground
lacking courage to battle my thorns
lacking strenght to lift my head and find a thin spot,
a yielding, penetrable weakness in my chain link of doubts
desperately i wish to leave my self inflicted prison
to bask in the collective sunlight of those gathered fairylights
to find a piece of their bubbling gaiety for myself
but the thorns draw closer together
the brambles more tightly knit
afraid, i cast my eyes downwards again and let the forest feed off my fear

there it is. make what you will of it.