i feel like writing a song about being a pirate... although i'm sure if i tried that it would only end up something like,

yo ho ho and a bottle of rum
but i don't like rum
so i shall drink apple juice instead of rum

or something to that extent. which would never make it's way up to the top 10 charts i don't think. but that's ok. it would be my own little piraty song, just for me.

yo ho ho and a bottle of rum

i made chocolate eclairs the other day. well, they aren't chocolate eclairs as such, because when i made them it was getting late(ish) and so by the end of it i was too lazy to put any chocolate on the top... so, they are just eclairs then i suppose. or cream puffs. also, the recipe said to leave room for expansion when you bake them, but it certainly did NOT tell you that they were going to end up the size of baked potatoes!! they're HUGE! oh well.

and there was something else that i had wanted to say in here... hmmm... i would have written this last night, but my computer kept crashing.

oh, must go now. my mum needs a ride to the car place so she can get her car. hurrah.

yo ho ho and a bottle of rum. (but i don't like rum....)

i have been infected with cait's establishments of her mood, and so..
mood: annoyed with homework, and having, very much to go to the bathroom
music: oogie boogie's song, from The Nightmare Before Christmas

i love that movie! i just recently re-acquired it. you see i lent it to one of my friends in grade 10 and her brother ate it. or melted it. or sat on it. or fed it to their dog. or did something to it, but it went into his room and was never seen again since. and so i've been trying to find it since then. AND I FOUND IT! YESSSS!!!!! :> oogie boogie kinda makes me think of the clown in It. i think it's because oogie lives underground in a sewer-ish type affair, as does It. and i'm finding out myself why Sabine is so scared of clowns now after reading It. i'm not too bad as of yet, but i also haven't gotten to the end. which frightens and excites me all at the same time. it's a very good book. i highly recommend it. and something in it that was rather neat, one of the characters from It is in The Shining! i thought that was cool.

i have decided that i was born into the wrong century. i should have been a pirate. there is actually nothing that i would like to do more than be a pirate actually. with a little monkey. i had a name for him a while ago, but it seems to have slipped my mind for the moment. i think it's actually kinda funny how much i really, really want to be a pirate. funny and sad because i probably will never get to go sailing around the world looking for buried treasure, being lulled to sleep by the rocking waves, watching the stars from the crow's nest. sigh. it's not fair i tell ya. ahoy me mateys, arrh.

NEUARG!!!!! i just spent an hour trying to solve a SINGLE physics question.. AND I CAN'T DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!! AND I DON'T KNOW WHY BECAUSE IT WAS AN EASY ONE! my brain has entirely left my body.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:38-39

where have all the comments gone?

A hundred days had made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lights had made me colder
And I don’t think I can look at this the same
But all the miles had separate
They disappeared now when I’m dreaming of your face

I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight it’s only you and me

The miles just keep rolling as the people either way to say hello
I hear this life is overrated but I hope it gets better as we go

I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it’s only you and me

Everything I know, and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it won’t take away my love
And when the last one falls, when it’s all said and done
it get hard but it won’t take away my love

I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it’s only you and me

I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
But tonight girl it’s only you and me

Here Without You - 3 Doors Down

neurg. homework has gone off it's diet a tad early and therefore is starting to rear it's ugly, fat head again. oh dear.

J'AI FATIGUÉ DES DEVOIRES!!!!! et j'aussi a un inéxplicable désire pour parler en français. maintenant que Victoria n'est pas ici encore, j'aucune pour pratiqué ma français avec alors l'autre jour j'écoutais le radio en français. c'était drôle. plus tard, Hali était dans l'auto avec moi et on ecoutait CBC 1, Montréal et ils ont parlé des moules qui réproduire dans le St-Laurent et plus tard que les persons les mangent et à ce point nous deux étions un peu confuser. (nous ne savions pas ce que un moule est. j'ai regardé dans le dictionnaire il y a quelques minutes et un moule est un mussel. alors maintenant leur discussion des moules dans le St. Laurent fait du sense. et voilà j'ai pensé qu'un moule était un petit animal avec du fourrure. peut-être rose... :>

vous savez qu'est-ce que c'est TRÈS difficile a faire? des poèmes en français. alors je n'essayerais pas. je ne suis pas très bon au poèmes en anglais, pouvez-vous imaginer si horrible je serrais en français?! c'est un peu terrifiant à penser de...

et maintenant j'ai des autres choses a faire alors je vous laissez pour le moment. salut! au revoir! au prochaine fois! et toujours souvenir PAMPLEMOUSSE ET MOUTARDIER!

webcams are fun!
and math is stupid. although i think i understand it now. which is good.
and the other day a guy who had really, really, REALLY nice dreads told me that he thought my dreads looked really good! :> YESSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

a tomb of empty echoes, cobwebs in every corner
a dark, unpleasant odour creeping near the floor, suffocating
eyes welded shut, stitched together in stupidity
no light reaches here
it is lost

narrow passages, much too narrow
twisting and turning, confusing
hands groping for familiarity, finding nothing,
but shadows and dust
shadows and dust

tighter and tighter the walls squeeze
crushing, suffocating
eyes straining to open and see
choked by the decay
drowning in my own death

AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE MATH!!!!!!!!!!!! ESPECIALLY WHEN I CAN'T UNDERSTAND IT!!!!!!!!!!
this is so stupid. WHEN AM I EVER GOING TO NEED TO KNOW HOW TO SOLVE SYSTEMS OF LINEAR EQUATIONS ANYHOW!! i mean honestly. WHEN am i EVER going to run into a linear equation that is just desperate to be solved? AND WHAT THE HECK IS WITH NATURAL LOGS?!! who thought of this terrible 'e' anyway? for goodness sake. I NEED TO BE SPOONFED! I CANNOT TEACH MYSELF MATH! WE'VE ALREADY LEARNED THIS FROM TRYING TO DO MATH 31 BY CORRESPONDANCE. IT DOES NOT WORK!!!!!!!!! i've been trying and trying and trying to do the questions for the last 4 hours and haven't gotten ANYTHING DONE BECAUSE I DON'T UNDERSTAND!!!!! i quit. that's it. i just quit. i quit school, i quit math, i quit not being allowed to use a calculator, i quit confusion, i just plain quit. that's it. i'm done. i'm out. i'm caput! no more. i can't take it. NERVOUS BREAKDOWN!!!! approximately this time next week i will already have taken up interpretive dance and will be living in a mud hut somewhere out in the mountains where i will live off of grass and bark and fashion clothes out of moose hides. i quit.

haha. i took an online quiz to tell me how old my inner child was.. my inner child is 1.

phleurg. work work work. and i don't want to do any of it. fla. i didn't think i had any stuff to do for the one math course i'm in, but oh yes! i do! and my books are all nicely stowed in my locker at school. i suppose i could go there tomorrow and get them, but that would just be inviting myself to work now wouldn't it.

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS I SURVIVED MY FRIST WEEK AT UNIVERSITY!!!!!!!!!! first step, survive first week. check. second step, conquer world. or at least calgary. hmmm... better put small area of hall that surrounds my locker.. yes. i think that will do. perhaps i shall get a pedestle. and perhaps a flag. a flag would be nice. perhaps polka... third step, retain sanity... personally i think it may be a little late for that one. at least i'm amusing. it's what i tell everyone. they only look at me sadly and shake their heads. some of them agree so i suppose that's a good thing.. or perhaps they are only agreeing so that i don't kill them. i frighten people for some reason. something about being travel sized i think.

I HAVE A NEVER ENDING CAN OF COKE!!!!!!!!!! the last two times that i've picked it up i have been sure that it was empty only to discover that it wasn't really at all empty. although i think perhaps it's only good for about 3 go's that everlasting whatnot. yup. it's empty now. ah well, it was good while it lasted.

reading caitlin's rants i have had an urge to be poetic. because her poems are always so lovely. and the ones that are sad or mean or angry are exactly that, but in a lovely way. and sometimes i can spout verse and prose with the best of them, although it never rhymes, i have trouble with rhyme (my cat sits on a mat beside my rat who also likes bats and... is fat?..), but there is no being poetic for me tonight i believe. i wouldn't know what to write about. i'm not terribly miserable or blissfully euphoric at the moment, nor am i burning with rage (or even sizzling for that matter) and poetry never seems to work as well when there's not a powerful emotion beneath it, fueling it, feeding it. perhaps i shall write about being neutral, although i imagine that would be a bit dull and no one would care for it much.

my lonliness floats over me like a dark cloud now see that's just a cliche. like a dark cloud. bleugh. we shall start again.

my lonliness is a troublesome forest, stretching dark and endless both before and after me there. that's a wee bit better wouldn't you say? alright, now for the next bit. somehow i've got to work fairylights in there somehow... hmmm... and just beyond my reach.

brambles and jagged thorns ensnare my voice leaving it a dead whisper in my throat
my eyes hold longingly to the passing fairylights just off the path, always out of reach i really have no idea where i'm going with this. hmmmm... at least it's only a poem where if you land yourself in a dead end and can't finish you're still able to leave feeling only a small sense of loss. novels however when left 30 pages in nag at you to lend the keyboard your fingers for an afternoon, the end of which brings only more frustration when all is said and done and you still have nothing more to show for your toils. anyway, back to the poem.

hmmm, i had something that i was going to add, but i have forgotten exactly what just now. bleaurg.

a dry tongue working over rotted teeth
i could no more call out to them than i could escape my forest that line's a little weak i think. perhaps it will be better when the whole thing is assembled.

they pass by, a glimmer in the night nonono.... that's also a bit of a cliche. hmm. a sparkle of hope? no. a... hmmm... isn't writer's block wonderful! a reflection of the desires in my heart. there we go. but we'll use of my heart instead.

they pass by, a reflection of the desires of my heart
briefly sparkling in the dusk before passing on hmm.. too much 'passing' done there. oh! i've got it.

sparkling briefly in the dusk before drifting on.... oh bollocks. in my excitement i forgot the word i was going to use.. drifting, gliding, floating, sliding.. hmmm.. i like sliding. it wasn't what i was originally going to use, but i like it. i wonder if when you're going to write something and forget what it was, you forget for a reason. because what you think of in it's absense is better than the original and if you hadn't forgotten you would never have thought of the new word. interesting concept.... ok. sliding it is.

briefly sparkling in the dusk before sliding on ahead of me where i cannot keep up and am lost forever from their sight

i shuffle along the uneaven ground
lacking courage to battle my thorns
lacking strenght to lift my head and find a thin spot
a yielding, penetrable soft spot too many spots!!! neurg. silly poetry. hmmm.

a yielding, penetrable weakness in my chain link of doubts now we're getting somewhere. YESS!!

desperately i wish to leave my self inflicted prison
to bask in the collective sunlight of those gathered fairylights and now i'm stuck again... i know basically how i want to end it. something about being fed by my own fear. how to get there however, i haven't a clue. hmm..

to find a piece of their bubbling gaiety for myself
but the thorns draw closer together
the brambles more tightly knit
afraid, i cast my eyes downwards again and let the forest feed off my fear HALLELUIA!!!! DONE! FINISHED! FINITO! KAPUT! FINI! and now to put the whole masterpiece together!

my lonliness is a troublesome forest, stretching dark and endless both before and after me
brambles and jagged thorns ensnare my voice leaving it a dead whisper in my throat
my eyes hold longingly to the passing fairylights just off the path, always out of reach
a dry tongue working over rotted teeth
i could no more call out to them than i could escape my forest
they pass by, a reflection of the desires of my heart
briefly sparkling in the dusk before sliding on ahead of me where i cannot keep up and am lost forever from their sight
i shuffle along the uneaven ground
lacking courage to battle my thorns
lacking strenght to lift my head and find a thin spot,
a yielding, penetrable weakness in my chain link of doubts
desperately i wish to leave my self inflicted prison
to bask in the collective sunlight of those gathered fairylights
to find a piece of their bubbling gaiety for myself
but the thorns draw closer together
the brambles more tightly knit
afraid, i cast my eyes downwards again and let the forest feed off my fear

there it is. make what you will of it.

bleaurg! this week has been going slowly. it's only thursday. once again.... BLEAURG!!! (my noises of disgust have been getting much more creative lately. used to be they were only bla or garg or something simple but now... BLEAURG!!!!)

WEEKEND WEEKEND WEEKEND WEEKEND!!!! and it's only thursday.... neaurg. i still have tomorrow to live through. at least tomorrow is one of my better days. or wait... actually it isn't... hmm well it's not terrible i suppose... i've got a physics lecture from 8-9, then a chem lab from 9-12, although i just have to go and do a safety thing and that'll only take an hour so then i've got a lovely three hour break until my next class (HURRAH) so i might actually just go home unless i can find someone that i know to hang out with for a bit. then i've got a chem lecture from 1-2 and then a math lecture from 2-3 AND THEN I'M DONE FOR THE WEEKEND!!!!! YESSSS!!!! well not quite i suppose. i'm meeting Rochelle and we are both going to go and get coffee and talk about, everything. yay! :>

i haven't seen hardly anyone that i know. i've seen (and talked) to 3 people (and 3 people briefly) out of like 12 or 15 that i know that go there. very sad indeed. actually i saw three other people i know, 2 second years and one fourth, but it's not the same somehow. or something. i don't know. i haven't hardly seen any of my friends. probably because none of them are taking anything sciency, but that's besides the point. THEY SHOULD COME AND VISIT ME! granted they probably have classes to go to and work to do...... BUT STILL. for goodness sake..... :>

I FOUND THE ATRIUM!!!!!!!!!!!! it's in the administration building which so very conviently happens to be connect via a +15 to the science buildings! so i don't even have to brave the weather to get there! hurrah for mine and Mandy's wandering! 10 years ago or whatever they allowed smoking in there and then when smoking was dis-allowed all of the plants in there died and they found out it was because the plants had become addicted to the nicotine. poor little plantses.

hmmm, third day of uni and still alive. we're doing good! today is my longest day and am i EVER LOOKING FORWARD TO IT! YESSSSS!!!!!! i'm actually just finishing up a two hour break that i had which was actually quite productive. i suppose the breaks are good, other wise i'd never get anything done... working at home seems to be difficult for me. which is not good because i would much rather be there than here, but i would also like very much to pass and whatnot.

my computer died. and not just died in a small way, i mean DIED. it won't actually turn on.. at all.. well, the moniter and the printer work, but the computer itself? oh no. and that's a rather large problem because you see they put what assignments you have to do up on the web. and since i don't have a computer THIS IS NOT GOOD! my mum's actually taking it in to be fixed so hopefully it'll all be better by tomorrow.

and how am i writing to you now you may ask? simple. i'm in the library at school. whose keyboards are STILL annoying. neurg. anyway, i must be off. must get over to Craigie hall for german. yeehaw.

ooooooooooh dear. have got one massive headache. the kind that doesn't go away if you take anything, or sleep, or anything. you just have to wait. joy. i imagine this headache has something to do with the fact that i started school today..... too much school. that would definitely be the cause i'm thinking.

talking to one of Aaron's friends on msn. he's very.... odd... and well, not very.. polite i suppose. vulgar. there we go. that would describe him quite well i think. and so on that note i think i will leave before he says much else to me. (the overdeveloped conscience is getting in the way of me just plain blocking him. but perhaps i will give the good ol conscience a good ol shove and then we'll get the job done.)

i just looked down at one of my other blogs where i started off talking about strawberry toast...

i think i will go and get some now. :>

i have decided that the guest room needs painting. originally i was going to paint a tree on each wall and have a different season shown in each tree. and perhaps i will still do that, but for now i'm going to paint the ceiling a nice stormy blue with all the constellations painted on it. i'm having some troubles finding a good star map. one that's legible for instance. and that actually has most of the constellations on it. which would also be nice. i've put about 25 books from the library on hold which should help the situation.

i sat on my garage roof today and thought. i thought about lots of things, but thought of nothing at all, all at the same time.

i have become addicted to cheese it would seem. not real cheese though. the kraft singles. the lovely ones all wrapped in plastic. really quite good.

my stairs are still green. i think we'll just have to replace the carpet entirely. i doubt we'll find any that's mustard yellow though. which means we shall either have all new carpet (which would be very nice indeed) or mismatched stairs. or i suppose we could just take the carpet off them since they're hardwood underneath. at least, the bottom ones are, but they've never had carpet on them so i suppose the rest may not be. at any rate, our stairs are still green and the entire area smells of fantastik or whatever cleaner my mother has douced them in.

hali is watching a movie. called "The Joy, Luck Club" or something to that extent. and there's a lot of yelling in it and so i'm sitting here at the computer and i hear them start and then, of course, i have to go and see what on earth all the kefuffle is about. and so i really have no idea whatsoever what's going on. i'll have to actually watch it one day and perhaps then i'll understand what the heck is going on. the problem with it is that it's all about chinese people, and since i haven't actually been watching it i can't keep any of the characters straight because once they change outfits you have no idea who is who anymore. very tricky these involved movies.

mmmmmm... slightly soggy toast with strawberry jelly.... yummy. :>

i hate hay. especially when it needs to be unloaded from a vehicle of sorts and crammed into the barn. it actually wasn't so very bad because i was the one throwing it off the truck and i only had to carry a few to the barn at the end of the whole escapade. throwing them is fun. it's a little difficult to get a whole lot of height seeing as they all weigh 65 lbs.

there are two things in life which will warm you up very quickly. one is throwing hay and the other is folding clothes straight out of the dryer.

in other news my dear mum spilled an entire can of medium green paint on our rather ugly orangy-yellow carpeted stairs today... it's quite entertaining.. especially since it won't come out... perhaps new carpet is in order... which would be nice. but i don't think that they carry nearly mustard yellow carpet anymore. most of the colours here are a bit... odd. my bathroom for example has teal green tile, matching walls halfway up, then there's a yellow stripe and then it's burgundy all the way up to the celing, which is teal green as well.... and then the tile room has black, cream, green and red tiles in no obvious order or design whatsoever. the wood room however is quite nice. the floor, walls and ceiling are all, well, wood. it's actually very nice in that room. there used to be a little cottage just a little ways out into the one field here that was all entirely wood, like the wood room, but it burnt down. which is very sad. because it would have been very nice to hang out in there. (it burned down before i moved here so i never even got to see it, but i'm told that's what it looked like.)

well i'm off to finish watching "a beautiful mind". good movie so far. i am rather enjoying it.

UNIVERSITY ORIENTATION IS BOOOOORING!!!!!!!!

Well alright so i'm now sitting in the library at U of C with NOTHING to do. technically of course i'm supposed to have something to do, but the student leaders that were doing our toor were very efficient and so now i'm done. i'd go home, but i'm waiting for the guy who i'm buying my physics textbooks from. and he's gonna be here between 4:15 and 4:30 and right now it's 3:40 so i've got a little bit of a wait and unfortunately i've run out of e mails to read and so i've been trying to see if i can't get my university e mail account to work. the only problem is that you have to have some sort of special thing to access it with. which is a great big pain in the derrière!! at least i found all my friends from Springbank who are going here. i've even seen a couple people that i've known since preschool and kindergarden. ahhh great fun. oh yes. hurrah.. and i even almost know where all my classes will be. which is nice. because it's never fun to wander around aimlessly lost. nononono. no fun at all. and i don't have to be here until 9 tomorrow morning (hurrah) rather than 8:30.
i feel slightly ill at the moment and i'm not entirely sure why. hmmmm. interesting... and i don't entirely love this keyboard either. it's actually kinda slippery and i keep hitting the wrong keys.
there are SOOOOOOOOOOO many people here! and the people here only represent 1/4 of the actualy student population. SCARY! i am NEVER gonna see anyone that i know EVER! it's so strange. in highschool whenever you had a break you could just walk down the halls and find, well, everyone and now, not so much so. very scary indeed. must not hyperventilate.... must not hyperventilate... must breathe normally... in out in out in out.... nice and slow..... oh dear.

on another note.. hmmm.. there was another note. i'm sure of it. i can't remember it though.... hmmmm. tragic. how will i ever pass any of my classes if i can't even remember this?! oh dear. we are not off to a good start it would seem.

3:52. what can i do to kill more time? hmmmmmmmm... perhaps i shall start counting.. or something.. although counting is boring and wouldn't be much better than, well, doing nothing. or sitting. it's baking outside. i suppose counting is better than boiling myself.. i got a sunburn at the highland games when i went to watch Aaron's pipe band. it was great fun! although, except for the sunburn. which isn't really THAT bad. it gives me some colour at least. :>

what oh what can i do to kill some time.. i wonder if anyone will get mad at me for taking up a computer with my ramblings. hopefully not. there's 260 of them in the library. plenty for everyone. unless of course there are 261 people. then it might be a problem.

sorry Cait, but i guess this means no online ceremony.