gak. am heartbroken now. although i could kinda see it coming. and although Aaron still has feelings for me, he has found that that is not where his life needs to be right now. that he needs to get himself all good with God first and then once he's ready he can look to other things. you may not understand this and how another person can get in the way of walking with God, but it's alright, because i understand it. unfortunately for me it means that where before it would have been a natural thing for us to end up going out sometime in the future, now there is less of that feeling. at least in my mind there is less. because he is doing his best to ignore his feelings for me so that he can get everything else together and by the time he is ready for a girlfriend, there'll be no feelings for me anymore. and that is a very sad idea. oh boy. here i go. i'm actually crying. i never cry. ever. i suppose it's good to cry once in a while, to clear yourself of all the emotions that are causing you to cry, but does it really have to be so painful? i can't believe this. i'm actually crying. tears are actually rolling off my face. it's not just a welling up in the eyes kind of tear. it's great twin streaming rivers. and i hate the way emotion sneaks up on you. one minute you're fine and you think you might finally be getting better and then suddenly you see something, smell something, hear something or even think something and suddenly you are drowning in your own misery with no where to express it because you are surrounded by a crowd and you are too proud to break down and cry in the midst of it all.