sigh. work tonight was terrible. the kids just would not listen. oh my gosh. it was so horrible. i need a mindless job. and although i have gotten to be friends with the BHD, i'm starting to wonder if there could ever be more. i would very much like for there to be, but i think i'm going to be dissapointed again. this is always what happenes. i like someone, they decided they don't like me back, ever, and that's the end of that story. i'm left alone. again. as always. this sucks. i'm in a bit of a bad mood if you haven't already guessed. i'm just sick of being alone. i want someone to be there when i'm low to tell me everything will be alright. someone who will understand. someone who will love me. i'm so sick of not having these things. and i know people (if anyone i knew actually read this) would tell me that that's what friends and family are for, but it's not the same. i want someone to come to my window and throw stones against it, begging me to sneak out with them. i want someone's hand to hold, and someone to hold mine. i want to wrestle just for the sake of doing it. i want to be hoisted onto someone's shoulder and carted off to a nearby snowbank (or mud puddle as the weather has turned warmer). i want someone to know who i am when i don't even know myself. i want a shoulder to rest my head on when the weight of the world brings it down. i want someone to kiss and hug. i want someone to go shopping for on valentine's day. i want someone who will just show up at my house for no reason, just to be with me. i want someone who knows how to laugh. i want someone who knows what a prat is and how to make one of themself every once in a while. i want someone who wants me. are you out there BHD? are you reading this? are you listening? is anyone?